Breaking up is hard to do, so the song goes. If only we met our made-to-measure soulmates when we were 16 and lived happily ever after, life would be a lot more simple, wouldn’t it?
Getting dumped isn’t easy, neither is dumping someone.
If you’ve given a relationship a fair chance but decide its time to move on, approach with care. Most people have been dumped at some point in their lives and whether you are the dumper or dumpee we think it’s safe to say that it is never a barrel of laughs.
Among my friends we’ve got a pool of shocking stories: from dodgy text messages, to someone’s girlfriends’s mother getting involved and delivering the news with the words ‘I don’t think you’re right for my daughter’ (you couldn’t make it up), to just disappearing off the radar completely; no message, phonecall, text, nada.
No one likes to be remembered as insensitive and rude, so do approach it in the right way. Follow out fail-safe guide to make the process as painless as possible:
Don’t rush it
The dating game is a complicated one, but if you’re still not sure whether your partner could last the long-term give it a few days to see how you feel. If there are certain issues that are getting in the way, talk about them, as maybe they feel the same.
Don’t hang about
In the same breath, if you know he or she is not the one for you, the sooner you get around to it, the quicker you can both move on. However, be sensitive and avoid holidays and birthdays. Making someone sob into their turkey is just plain mean.
Do it in person
Text messages/email/Skype are no way to tell someone you no longer want to date them. No matter how hard it is, find the courage to speak to them in person about how you feel, giving them the chance to have their say. If it helps, work out a checklist of things you want to express beforehand.
Be honest
Don’t try to concoct a fictional list of reasons why they are no longer right for you, or you for them. Tell it how it is – so if you have met someone else, say so. Avoid clichés, like ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ or ‘I love you, I’m just not in love with you’. It just confuses matters.
Set some boundaries
Tell your now ex that you won’t be answering calls at midnight or inviting them in if they show up at your house after one too many drinks. If you do this, then they can’t come back with, ‘Why are you ignoring my calls?’
Choose the location wisely
The more private the better – if you are somewhere public it will just make your ex feel more vulnerable. I’m still getting over the time I was hysterical on the tube and virtually emptied the carriage with my wails. If you don’t want to do it at your place, try a park or even their house.
Be civil
However high emotions are running, try to keep yourself in check. Be kind, caring and considerate, even if they are screaming at you that you are making a mistake.
Do you agree with the above? What other things are there to think about on Dump-Day? Tell us what you think @lovestruck
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