Dating today – are our hearts still in it?

The quest for love never changes but the way people have dated over the years sure does. But has modern day dating technology clashed with our old fashioned dating values and left us confused? Swiped out? Less ‘appy?’ Are our hearts still in it..?

Let us press rewind and take you back to an era pre-smartphones and the internet (omg) when the only way to meet someone was to go out, be asked out, exchange home telephone numbers then wait in at home, just incase he called (and we say he as it was usually down to the guy to call or not).

If the guy wanted the girl then he was expected to do all of the legwork, call, write, send flowers, woo her. When she finally agreed to date him, he’d often come to her front door rather than leave her waiting in a cafe and wherever they dated, there was never any question over who would pay,  it was always the guy because they normally had the better job, money and the car. Yup, chaps pretty much called the shots but worked hard to get the gal.

Guys could forget any hope of being rewarded with first date sex back in the day, most ‘nice’ girls didn’t do that. A peck on the cheek at the end of the night if you were lucky and if you wanted more, you’d better be thinking about putting a ring on it pretty darn soon.

Scoot forward a few decades to the 80’s and along came a scattering of dating agencies whose members were subjected to a totes awks cringe-worthy 5 minute self-promo video for potential dates to see and listen to, bad perms and all. Today, a quick vid doesn’t sound so bad, hell, we practically live via a screen.

But just look where dating is at now. Without leaving the front door we can view thousands of hot singles on our smartphones as we sit on the loo. We can ruthlessly decide who we do and don’t fancy with a mere swipe of a finger. We can flirt and sext without even meeting them, arrange a date, sleep with them if we want to, never see them again because we don’t have to explain face-face why we don’t want to! Great huh…? If you’ve the time and energy, you can multi-date all in one day and maybe they’ll all sleep with you too! Never have we had it so good…right?  You’re nodding but we’re not seeing it in your eyes. Hmmm.

Has it just enabled us to treat people badly? The technology has changed and singles are all over it because other singles are too, right? But are we feeling swiped out? Is there a niggling feeling of…emptiness?  Are we feeling less ‘appy’ about modern day dating? Less hooked on fast hook-ups? It would seems so and this could also explain the return of Matchmaking agencies which are fast growing in popularity once again.  Has it made us  too fussy? Unsatisfied? Is it all too easy? Human nature dictates we feel most satisfied when we’ve worked hard to achieve something in work, life and this maybe goes for love too? We maybe laugh now at how our Grandparents dated but was it all so much more satifying back then?

We’re not (yet )a society robots and it’s hard to unwire centuries of good old fashioned woo-ing and courting because, we’re all still a little romantic at heart, non? It’s all got a bit confusing, the lines have got blurred, so here’s a quick round up of what’s OK now and what will/should never change:

  1. Girl power: The days of guys calling all the dating shots are long gone and a recent study revealed they are pretty relieved by this. Is it OK to ask a guy out? Yes please say the guys, gender has become obsolete in this matter so if you like him, tell him your going to the park/cafe and ask if he wants to join you.
  2. Who pays? Come on gals, you can’t pick and choose which aspects of girl power you’d prefer, always offer to pay. If he’s slightly old-fashioned and insists on paying, let him and offer to pay on date 2, if there will be a date 2, which bring us on to…
  3.  Rejection: It still hurts, people. Advances in dating technology have made it really easy to be a tad rude and ignore or ‘ghost’ someone you don’t want to see again. It doesn’t take more than 10 seconds to politely let someone know that you ‘enjoyed their company but they weren’t quite for you.’ There. Easy. It’s good for the soul. It’s what makes us decent human beings and most importantly, it’s what your Gran would like.
  4. Multi-dating: Most people dating on-line are fully aware that the moment you say goodbye after a date, you’ll be messaging another. This is OK. Dating is a game of numbers and the more we date, the closer we’ll be to meeting the one. The right one will always cut through the competitionn however, and bring you back together. Period. Date on until that day.
  5. Sex on a first date: You’re two consenting adults, you know what you’re doing. Be safe, be respectful and be mindful that being great/willing in bed doesn’t mean you’ll see them again…
  6. Being single is fine! Where years ago you’d be frowned upon for not being married and having 4 kids by the time you were 21, thankfully, times have changed. You should and can be happy alone and feelings of contentedness should never rest on another human. Don’t wait for someone else to come along and fill in the life gaps. People are attracted to happy people. Be open, be happy and you’ll draw people to you…
  7. Some things never change: When dating, always be kind, presentable, respectful, on time, listen and never, ever be reckless with people’s hearts.

So there we have it. Do you love modern day dating or wish it was more like yester-year? Spill your heart  @lovestruck

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