Warm hugs and mucho palm-slapping as we welcome the lovely Holly to our LOVElife blog. Holly is the founder of thinktranquility.com, a website focused on personal development and finding peace amongst life’s chaos. Here, Holly offers a bright shiny light to those of you feeling lonely, a bit in the dark and a little winter-miserable…
‘For those of us living in ‘singlesville,’ winter can be a bleak old season which can leave us in a bad old mood with both life and ourselves. Short days and dreary weather further fuels our temptation to lock ourselves away with a box-set, ample supply of alcohol and a take-away.
Then there’s those sudden moments of clarity that make us question why we are still single and why we seem incapable of finding ‘the one,’ especially after Valentine’s day! Negative feelings towards ourselves along with dismal experiences of love begin to crash over us in full force. Amongst all this anxiousness and self deprecation actually lies an enlightening fact usually forgotten. Even though you are single in status, you are never alone. You have yourself. Is this not a relationship of its own accord? Say what now.
OK, forgive the cliché, but just think about it for a minute. Out of all the relationships you have had, in how many of them have you still felt single and alone? Are you now not in a better place for having removed yourself from that situation? Are you really in a rush to get into another?
As human beings, we have a natural tendency to want to love and be loved. This expectation becomes a pressure and furthermore, competition with others. What manifests from this is a deep rooted belief that goes something like; if we are unable to obtain true love, then this must be a direct reflection of our own worthiness. Consciously, you probably know that this is crap, but can you honestly say it is something you have never felt? How many people do you know who bounce from one bad relationship to another for fear of being ‘single’?
Ask yourself, what is your motivation for dating? Is it fuelled by adventurousness or an increasing pressure to find that special person’? No doubt, you have a mental list (or perhaps a written one) of your dream partner and all their attributes. Next time you are running through this list, think about which expectations are on there that you are lacking. For example, you may want a confident partner, but not have much confidence yourself. Take the time you have being single now to cultivate these skills, for then you will inevitably attract those types of people towards you.
You may have a hot date (or several!) lined up but either way, however close you are to the cusp of true love is completely your decision. There is someone out there for all of us – including you! Your paths will cross when the time is right, but until then… relax. Stop focusing on your lack of a relationship and instead start enhancing the one you already have with yourself. Be kind to you and do what makes you happy. Create that amazing person you desire by starting with you… because you’re worth it (yes – thank you L’Oreal).’
Self hugs everyone!
About: Holly is a qualified life coach, specializing in life purpose, love, and relationships. Her goal is to help people follow their dreams and reach their full potential by sharing her own experiences and breakthroughs with self-help.