Hello Lovestruckers, Bluffer’s again, we’re back to help rescue you from bad dates and ill-chosen venue choices. In fact, we’re determined to eradicate embarrassment from the 
face of the dating experience altogether – will you help us?
SO WHERE SHOULD I TAKE THEM?
To the Summer Exhibition at The Royal Academy, of course! Modern art is the stuff of bluffing dreams – nothing lets you go off on a witty yet intellectual-sounding tangent like a canvas covered in pixilated ants or an askew exit sign.
WAIT, WHAT?
Every summer The Royal Academy of Art throws open its Main Galleries to the public. Well, it’s not an entirely open door policy… Academicians (artists who have been invited to be members of the RA . . . . the list includes Tacita Dean, Jenny Saville and, somewhat controversially, Tracey Emin) are automatically allowed to exhibit their work in the exhibition and the rest of the hoi polloi have to submit their entries for review. They received a staggering 12,000 entries this year. That’s a lot of paintings to fit into a space which normally displays more blank space than art, and the result is spectacular. As you enter, turn left then left again and you’ll be confronted with the most expensive jigsaw puzzle in London. These tucked away rooms are always plastered from floor to ceiling in ink drawings, sketches and paintings. It’s a sight to behold.
WHERE IS IT?
The Royal Academy is on Piccadilly – we know that sounds strange but it is really is just ‘Piccadilly’, think of it as being like Oprah or Madonna. Set back from the popular tourist thoroughfare, its cobbled courtyard, complete with café, is perfect for an alfresco picnic or glass of wine post-exhibition. Just make sure you don’t use the Savile Row entrance, it’s far less impressive and you won’t be able to access the exhibition from that side of the building… and that’ll make you look a bit dim.
HOW MUCH?
£13.50 for adults, this includes a list of works – very handy for slyly looking up the name of the artist before you point out a piece of work by them. If at all possible, try and beg, borrow or steal a membership card. This will allow you and one guest (#TopBluffingTip – there should only ever be two people on a date) to waltz into the exhibition without queuing or paying. Ideal.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
Although technically ‘modern art’, The Summer Exhibition is largely dedicated to showcasing paintings, prints, architectural models and sculptures by regular artists. This means that you might actually want some of them in your house (not a whiff of formaldehyde…). And, if you’ve got a bit of cash, you can actually buy them! Prices vary hugely so bluffers should use this opportunity to exaggerate their spending power.
DO SAY ‘Don’t worry about the queue. I’ve got a membership card.’
DON’T SAY ‘I’ve submitted a painting every year actually – though nothing’s ever been accepted.’
(Photo credit: Benedict Johnson)
