Hello Lovestruckers! Bluffer’s are back providing you with great date ideas in and around London. In celebration of the uncharacteristically sunny weather that has been popping its 
head above the drizzly parapet of late, we say: plan an out of doors date!
SO WHERE SHOULD I TAKE THEM?
To catch ‘Orchids 2014: a plant hunter’s paradise’ at the Princess of Wales Conservatory at Kew before it closes on 8 March.
WAIT, WHAT?
Sorry, we got a little ahead of ourselves there. ‘Orchids 2014: a plant hunter’s paradise’ is a celebration of the orchid season (think pastel sheets of pink and blue flowers). The Princess of Wales Conservatory is the name of the big glass building at Kew. Kew is short for the Botanical Gardens at Kew. And if you don’t know what Botanical Gardens or orchids are well then this probably isn’t the best date idea for you.
WHERE IS IT?
Oh come on! Kew, clearly. Take the overground (that’s the orange line) or the district line (we know it’s the worst line but it’s the only actual tube line to come this way west) to Kew Gardens. You’ll have to cross over the tracks using the cutesy white clapboard bridge and then walk through Kew Village. Take Lichfield Road and you’ll arrive at the Victoria Gate entrance to Kew in five or so minutes.
HOW MUCH?
Here’s the catch. Entry into Kew costs £14.50, although the orchids won’t cost you extra. To save on costs, pack a stowaway picnic in your bag. But advise your date to wear a coat, and a jumper, and possibly a thermal layer. There’s nothing attractive about goose pimples and running noses especially when there’s so much natural beauty at Kew…
WHAT ELSE IS NEARBY?
Remember Kew Village? That was the countrified collection of shops and cafes by the station. The biggest of these quaint buildings is a pub called Tap on the Line (clever…). They have some great ales on tap, including Chiswick Bitter which is brewed just a few miles away by the river in west London. Ordering a pint of this will prove that you’re committed to the sourcing of local products and that you therefore have a strong social conscience and will make a great life partner. Maybe.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
Some horticulturalists think that our love-affair with orchids has something to do with the fact that, like human faces, the flower has bilateral symmetry (as in mirror symmetry). We’re a narcissistic lot…
DON’T SAY ‘I picked you a bunch of orchids!’
DO SAY ‘You do not look silly. I think the eskimo look is actually de rigueur.’
