Hello Lovestruckers, Bluffer’s calling again – this week, our guide to dating a lawyer.
WHY WOULD IT BE DIFFICULT TO DATE A LAWYER?
In the immortal Radio 1 sound bite of Collette Cooper: ‘Are you joking?’ Along with bankers 
and school teachers, lawyers are among the most overworked people in London. Admittedly they’re also among the most overpaid, which bankers might be but teachers certainly aren’t (although they get more holiday.) More on this later.
SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO?
Lonely nights watching the footie alone and eating ready-meals for two for one and don’t think you’ll be making that pre-theatre dinner reservation. This is especially true if your date is working for an American firm like Jones Day or White and Case or a ‘Magic Circle’ firm (the Ivy League universities of law, including Clifford Chance, Linklaters and Slaughter and May).
Working for one of these firms isn’t so much a job, as a lifestyle choice. Perhaps a little premature if you’ve only just started dating but that’s going to be one short honeymoon to Fiji… You’ll only have got half-way through your first couples massage before they’re hopping on the plane back home, case studies in suitcase.
SURELY THERE ARE SOME PLUS POINTS?
Did we mention the money? Of course we did! Starting salaries for the Magic Circle firms average around £60,000 while the top-notch American firms offer their freshly qualified newbies as much as £100,000. Unsurprisingly, almost no one rejects this sort of offer. Typical Yanks; they can’t help supersizing everything – working hours, pay packets, burgers and fries…
Don’t get us wrong, we’re not advocating gold-digging or any other mercenary behaviour (and not just because there’ll always be a pre-nup), but if you’re splitting the cost of a bill that comes to £56.77 then don’t feel bad averting your eyes when the waiter asks who wants to pay the penny extra. They can take the hit.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
There is a legal system called Common Law (otherwise known as case law or the law of precedent) which both England and Wales and the USA follow. This is a system of law that follows precedent, surprise, surprise. In simple terms it’s the equivalent of letting the guy or girl you’re seeing keep their socks on in bed, and so losing all hope of ever getting them to take them off again. Actually, prepare to lose pretty much every argument and if you do happen to win: remember to get it in writing.
And you might also bear in mind that in the UK Scotland has a completely different system of law called Scots Law. It applies only to the Scots and is based on Civil Law, which is a legacy of Roman Law. Is this getting complicated? Wait, Northern Ireland is also a separate jurisdiction within the UK (something to do with the partition of Ireland in 1921). If you want to know more you’ll just have to do a degree in International Law. Or buy the forthcoming Bluffer’s Guide to Law (much cheaper and easier).
DON’T ASK ‘But how would you feel about defending someone who you knew was guilty?’ (Lawyers get asked this question almost as much as doctors get asked if they’ve ever saved someone’s life.) The answer is the famous: “Even a werewolf deserves a fair trial”. (Origin unknown).
DON’T SAY ‘Oh wow, so do you work for a Bermuda triangle firm? Or has it disappeared?’
