Yep, you heard us right. More guys than ever before are turning down sex. No way? Way.
But hang on, we’ve spent a lifetime reading about the 1098 reasons why women don’t want it: they don’t feel sexy, are too tired or have just gone off sex for various reasons. And now, just when we talked about the launch of the new female viagra, a new study by UK counselling service Relate finds a 40 per cent increase in men making their excuses in the bedroom! And it’s not just older guys in a long term relationships either, its affecting guys in their 20’s and 30’s too. To coin a phrase from Eastenders, ‘What’s going on?’
So obviously if you are dating and a guy starts telling you he’s too tired, you’d be mortified and suspicious, right? That’s once you realised he really wasn’t kidding. Men always want it, don’t they? Not always, they expect us to think that way and this also piles on the added pressure.
There are many reasons a guy can lose his libido, it’s not a new thing, it’s just not really been talked about that much. Remember, whatever the problem, be very very sensitive about tackling his er..tackle issues, this is his best friend we’re talking about, they go back a long way but they hardly ever talk…Here are the main 4 culprits for guys going off sex.
1. Plumbing trouble: Firstly, if you are dating a guy over 40, know that 52 per cent of them will at some point experience some sort of mechanical failure (aka erectile dysfunction or impotence) as opposed to just 7 per cent of men under 40. Where we all accept a thicker waistband and challenged follicles with middle age, no one discusses how the ‘little fella’ feels about things or how it’s fairing. Men don’t give it a thought either, until one day, he may be cruelly reminded he isn’t 18 anymore as his best friend becomes a little…unreliable. This is a real kick in the pants as his libido probably still champions that teen spirit. He’ll now feel stressed about how often this will happen, if it’s all down hill from here, and worry when the next technical blip will occur.
Advice: Talk. This is really not the end of the world. Pretend you’re completely au fait with the matter (well you are now) A relaxed demeanour whilst you shrug your shoulders and say you’re totally fine with it will ease his other concerns that this might have affected his relationship with you too. Tell him you do not take it personally, it might not even happen to him again for a long while but try to let him come back to you on that one…so he doesn’t feel pressured by your overly enthusiastic suggestion that you try again, right now.
2. Stress: Like women, a stressful or hectic work life can affect his libido. We work the longest hours in Europe so it’s not surprising they always function on all cylinders. Lack of sleep or worry can generally make him feel low about things. Many men are defined by status; job, money, success and a good sex drive/life. When these start to crumble, he’ll feel he’s failing and head even further into his man cave, and although it’s normally best to leave men there when they face personal dilemmas, on this occasion, it might be time to head on in…
Advice: Again, sensitively and calmly tell him how you feel about him you are concerned he clearly isn’t himself. Remind him you are 100 per cent by his side and are there to help in anyway possible. Don’t force issues. It’s rather like feeding a wild animal. Leave a few crumbs then stand back and let him come to you. Try to spend some time out together, even just for a walk, anything that brings his mind back to a calmer place – with you. If he refuses to talk and seems to be spiralling, it’s time to suggest he, or the both of you seek a little professional help.
3. Poor lifestyle: Stress as we mentioned can also be a culprit but another side effect of a fast paced lifestyle can be an unhealthy one. Drinking too much affects testosterone, the very hormone that’s responsible for the sex drive. Fast food, smoking, too many late nights are also bad so it’s not surprising his little friend can’t be bothered to er, raise its weary head.
Advice: Relationship expert Tracey Cox says ‘the happier and healthier the guy, the better the sex’ so get outdoors and get healthy, even if ‘winter is coming’ it needn’t be frosty in the bedroom.
4. He’s cheating.
Advice: Best to step away from the sharp utensils. Oh and him.
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