Hello Lovestruckers! This week we’re here to help those of you dating a dog lover.
There are an estimated 8.5 million dogs in the UK and most of these have an owner,
Having a dog can be like having a child.
meaning that your chances of running into one are pretty high. If you’ve borrowed your neighbour’s dog to walk around the local park on a Saturday morning then these odds are likely to increase exponentially. You’ll be surprised how many other disappointed Friday-night daters will be doing the same.
WHY WOULD IT BE DIFFICULT TO DATE A DOG LOVER?
Well, let’s put it this way, there’s a reason the phrase ‘dog breath’ is used to describe cases of halitosis in humans. Nothing’s worse than the lingering scent of a half chewed turd with a side order of roadkill. And then there’s the dog’s breath to consider. If you’re blind to the downsides of wet dog smell, dog hair, dog bottoms and dogs in beds, then fine. If not, you’re going to have problems.
SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO?
Competing with (wo)man’s best friend for that coveted spot in bed is easier than you might think. All you have to do is fall in love with their dog too. But beware; if the dog takes a dislike to you, it’s best to back slowly away (from them and the relationship). Hostile dogs are even worse than suspicious step-children; this is largely because they have bigger teeth. And worse personal hygiene.
SURELY THERE ARE SOME PLUS POINTS?
Dogs are very loving and affectionate creatures and their owners can sometimes be too. Never forget that dogs have pulling power (as if you could). This is not a technical term for the torque applied to a lead, but refers to the dog’s ability to attract a human of the opposite (or even the same) sex to its owner. Women who see a man walking a dog see someone who is prepared to take on a commitment and work at a relationship. Men who see a woman walking a dog see someone who understands and appreciates the pleasure of tactile interaction, and unconditional love. Many a successful human relationship has begun with two pairs of eyes meeting over a hairy mutt.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
Never forget that the lovable mutt lying on its back in front of the fire shares more than 98% of its DNA with a wolf. If it was hungry enough, it might just eat you. For more in the way of canine trivia pick up The Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs.
DO SAY ‘Quick, quick! Get the camera. She looks so cute wrapped up in my pyjamas!’
DON’T SAY ‘It’s just a dog!’
