We welcome back Flavourmag’s dating expert Gaia Beck who shares
4 sure warning signs you are now entering the…
Friend zone. It’s a lonely place where you’re so close yet so far. Men generally find themselves in the dreaded friend zone when a series of mistakes have turned what could have been a blossoming romance into best buddy and general dogs body, helping out with all the heavy lifting with no reward at the end, just the hope that one day she will miraculously see that you are the man of her dreams. The harsh reality of it – it won’t happen if you carry on the way you’re going.
So for all those poor men frantically assembling flat pack furniture, how did you get into this position in the first place? Basically she doesn’t fancy you. Sorry. She could have fancied you, when she first met you, you must have ticked some boxes or you would have never had that first chance, but somewhere along the way you did something that made her take any romantic relationship off the table.
1. You were Mr Nice Guy. Good guys finish last is a saying for good reason, this isn’t to say you should treat a woman badly, but don’t be overly nice. By this I mean has she earned your affection? If you’re offering someone more than they feel the relationship warrants at the time, then you come across as desperate and needy and your attraction hits the floor. If you constantly call or text, constantly tell her how wonderful she is or buy gifts, she will shut you down. You are telling her she is either the best thing you’ve ever come close to having or that you just do this with everyone.
Solution: keep your affectionate offerings in line with hers, let her earn your adoration, you can not buy it (unless you’re looking for a gold digger).
2. You act like a loser . Harsh but this is how you have portrayed yourself. Do you complain about your job? Being cheated on by your ex? Being treated badly by shop assistants? Your Brother? No woman wants a man who gets walked over and definitely not one who moans because these are not manly characteristics. A woman doesn’t want a victim. She wants a man to protect her, it goes back to the cave man ideal. If you are unable to fight your corner, exhibit a strong character and solve problems then what kind of boyfriend are you going to be?
Solution: Show this woman you can take charge of a situation and be a hero not a zero. Don’t always ask what she’d like to do, let her know you’ll pick her up and take her somewhere, you are in control.
3. You lack style. You could be perfect in a lot of ways but if your dress sense is a fashion miss you will put a lot of women off. She could spend hours talking to you on the phone, you both have lots in common with fun Whatsapp banter, but face to face the spark isn’t there. Ask yourself do you look the best you could? Is your hair well groomed? Are your clothes neat and stylish? Do you smell great inside and out (we’re talking aftershave and breath here). A woman wants a man she can feel proud of and show off to her friends, not one who makes her feel like people are thinking she can do better.
Solution: Invest in new clothes on a regular basis and ask the advice of your best dressed friend or the shop assistant as to what’s in style works best for you.
4. You just failed to seduce her. This sounds simple but happens a lot. You were afraid to make a move and decided to take it slow, suggesting friendly dates rather than romantic ones. Basically you were waiting for a perfect moment because really you were scared of rejection and were happier waiting it out.
Solution: Make a move! Ask her out on a date, make sure there are a few glasses of alcohol involved and it’s pretty romantic. Let there be no doubt from the beginning that this is a date, not free tickets you just happened to have or just hanging out with a other people in a group. After she agrees you must try and kiss her during the date, do not allow her to hug you and pat your back like a child. Show her that you’re a man with needs and go in for a kiss god damn it. If she still says no.. then you probably need to revise steps 1-3 again!
@GaiaBeck – resident dating expert for FlavourmagTweet