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Do we actually date our dad?

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What could this forthcoming Father’s day (Sunday 18th June people) have in common with dating? Well we’ve been doing a little research and the answer is quite a lot, actually!

Describe your current or ideal partner in few words. What is he like? Stable, reliable and responsible? Or witty, fun and adventurous? And what about your father? Same? Ring any bells? Well, it’s not so strange for women to choose and eventually marry a guy who might be a younger version of her own father. Eeeow, no way, really? Yup. Read up:

Setting a standard for love
Relationship therapist Dr Judith Wright says: ‘It’s called pre-sexual programming. As infants, we develop an unconscious schema of what love is, based on the way we are treated by our primary caregivers. Then as adults, we’re attracted to people who stimulate us in the same way.’

Share similar personal traits?
Another study – by Glenn Geher – reaffirms Dr Wright’s theory  that women tend to choose a partner who is similar to her father. Glenn Geher conducted an experiment where he asked women to describe both their current boyfriends/husbands and also to give  characteristics about their dads. He went as far as interviewing their fathers to form his objective opinion. He discovered that the subject’s partners and their fathers had so much in common, that it was impossible to call a mere coincidence.

Look alike
The DailyMail went as far as suggested that our partners are not only similar to our fathers in character, but in looks too. To prove this, they conducted a survey, asking 400 women (from two-parent families, currently in relationships) about hair and eye colour of their father and partner. The results showed that women would more likely go for a partner with the same eye and hair colour as their fathers. So if your dad has blue eyes and blonde hair, maybe Brad Pitt is your destiny?

A 2008 study from the University of Pécs in Hungary found significant facial resemblance between women’s husbands and their fathers, specifically the resemblance in facial proportions – in the nose and eye area.

Good thing or freaky?
So its a proved phenomena that we date a guy who is somehow similar to our father. Is it really such a big thing? Well, obviously, if we had a great dad – caring, supportive and understanding we were set on a right course as it’s more likely that we will not be attracted to bad guys with bad habits. But what if our dad (no matter how much we love him and thank him for everything he’s done for us) was not the perfect dad? If you went through disappointment and broken promises as a child, you may never be satisfied in a relationship with a similar type of a person and you need to really identify the repeat pattern here.

Dr. Wright adds, ‘Ideally, your partner will be an improved, evolved version of your or father.’ She recommends making a list of all the characteristics your past partners have in common with your father. ‘Just recognising these triggers and becoming aware of what patterns of behaviour you’re at risk of falling into can help break negative cycles of behaviour.’

So, are you a daddy’s girl? What are your thoughts on the matter?

 

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