Trick or treat? Chances are you’d probably opt for ‘treat’ unless your a machosist but just like our relationships, if we had the choice we’d pick treat every time, give the painful option a miss, no tricksters playing with our heart thanks very much. Only ‘trick’ dates can be hard to spot because on the surface, they appear interested in you and in building a relationship but then they suddenly ‘ghost you’ when we’ve already fallen for them leaving you in a swirling mist of confusion, loneliness and pain…
Fear not, the signs were there all along you just need to know how to spot the ‘real dealers’ from the tricky ones. Here’s how:
1. The Fog
Ever got caught in fog while driving on the road? So bad that you cant see the route ahead? The most sensible thing would be to not drive in thick fog – or never leave the house in the first place. Might be a little of a metaphoric comparison – but that is how life and relationships go. Sometimes you’re travelling that road together but you’re not sure what’s around the corner for you both. Maybe you seem more worried about it that they do but you’re still moving slowly forward in a confused fog cos well, at least you’re moving and ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe, for a little while. But it’s time to pop your fog lights on. Do not be afraid to communicate your concerns to your partner. We’re not suggesting you give him a copy of Brides magazine on the second date, but when you’ve been dating for a while and appear to be the only one’s in each others lives, you need to establish as soon as possible that you’re on the same page in terms of what you want for the future. As you take control of life and work, so you need to in a relationship. If moving in together, marriage and a family is what you want, that’s where you need to be heading and you need to know if they’re a) coming with you or b) need dropping off on the hard shoulder.
2. Jekyell & Hyde?
Opposites attract. Do they? Studies suggest we tend to go for someone who pretty much resembles ourselves in terms of lifestyle, family backgrounds, job, personality etc but sometimes we go and pick ourselves a ‘wild card.’ Someone who would normally be off our radar but attracted us with their ‘out there’ views and opinions, music, body-art, hobbies and challenged our general outlook. Beware. Life could be tricking you here. We can sometimes pick opposites at uncertain stages in our lives, when we’re fed up, peed off, broken up with someone and maybe feeling a little rebellious. Sometimes this can work, sometimes it’s fun to see friends and family suppressing horrified expressions when they meet them, but are they what we really need long term? More often than not, a ‘real dealer ‘ is more likely to be someone similar to us, our families and friends. Someone who will ‘get us,’ get where we’re coming from and be more likely to be heading the same way.
3. Hearing voices…
There’s a little warning voice in our heads that speaks up at times and nine times out of ten it’s always right. Listen to it, that inner voice alarm is there to protect you. Does something about your new partner niggle you? Disappoint you? Or make you feel unsure? You’re asking yourself these questions because already, they’re not demonstrating the things you need to see in order to feel confident and happy in your new relationship. Maybe they take too long to reply to your messages, they’re a little too casual about when you’ll next meet and you feel you’re doing the all the legwork. Maybe you don’t feel you hold their full attention when you’re together? Or maybe you’ve been dating for a while and they avoid or put off conversations about moving onto the next stage in your relation ship? If your alarm bells are sounding it’s because you should be feeling alarmed. It’s too easy to make excuses for them or to not upset the apple cart but talking to them about your concerns. If you like or love each other and want to be together, you should be working equally hard on making it happen. Period. It’s a happy story, not a horror story you’re after, right?