So you have been dating a special someone for a few months now, you’re loving each others company and a little voice is even daring to ask if they could be ‘the one.’ But are you still at the lust or love stage?
Most of us probably feel pretty confident that we know the difference, but even the most sensible people can be fooled because intense sexual attraction can completely wipe out the common sense and intuition they normally have. Fact. Medical researchers also used MRI scans to prove that the brain during the ‘lust stage’ of a relationship lights up the exact same area of the brain that it does for somebody who’s on a drug-induced high.
According to Judith Orloff M.D. for Psychology Today, lust is an, ‘altered state of consciousness that’s programmed by the primal urge to mate and procreate. When the sex hormones are raging, you’re driven by ‘idealisation’ you look through rose-tinted glasses and see what you hope someone will be rather than who they really are, warts and all.’
Be wary. Unlike love, lust is purely based on fantasy and physical attraction and can disappear when the ‘real person’ starts to emerge. That’s not to say that lust can’t lead to love, but if you’re unsure of someone’s feelings, or of your own for that matter, these signs should help!
It’s lust if they/you:
- Focus on the physical: touch, stare and talk about physical things…
- Are keen to have sex lots, and seem to actually prefer it over conversation
- Normally leave quite quickly after sex rather than cuddling up or chatting
- Don’t discuss real feelings but focus on the physical…’you’re so gorgeous’ or ‘ you really are so hot’ for example
- Are not overly fussed about meeting their friends and family
- You’re great lovers and totally connect physically, but you wouldn’t necessarily say you were great friends…
It’s love if they/you:
- Want to do lots of things together aside from just the physical
- Make happiness a priority as in listening and talking and being aware of the other person’s feelings
- Are keen to meet their friends and family
- The hours can pass quickly when you’re together and you barely even notice…
- The idea of losing them devastates you – that’s them as a whole person, not just their ‘best bits’
So there you have it. Are you at the lust of love stage…? Tell us a few other signs @Lovestruck
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